Hearing tomorrow

So Jailbird's hearing is tomorrow. Through this whole thing, I've been pretty unemotional. I've tried to be supportive, I visit once a week and have written a couple letters, but I haven't really felt anything. I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure why I've started to feel today. I've been really sad and a little scared. What if I'm in the court room tomorrow and I have to hear that he will spend the next 10 years of his life in jail? I don't think I'll handle that very well. I feel like I'm losing a friend. I know he'll always be my friend, but he's leaving and I'm sad. I hope he's not really leaving, but I'm kind of preparing for the worst.

Also, I have to call his mom as soon as they sentence him and tell her. How horrible is that. I'm really not looking forward to that conversation. Why me? Wow, that's selfish. I'm concerned about me having to tell her rather than how hard that must be for her...oh, and my friend who might be spending a good chunk of his life in prison. I wish I were a better person...