Random kiss

I guess a random kiss in front of a room full of people never hurt anyone. I have this friend, DF, who is working on his Ph.D. in Physics. Let's just say he's not exactly the player type. Last night he told me about this random chick in Ireland that kissed him last week, so today I jokingly asked if I got a kiss too. He laughed and said sure, then went on talking to someone else. Well today, at CHURCH, I was getting ready to start my Sunday School class when he abruptly grabbed my face and just laid one on me in front of everyone. It was hilarious and seriously SHOCKED me! That's really all I have to say about that.

101 Things

1. My kitchen wall is red.
2. Since 5th grade I wanted to be a marine biologist.
3. By high school I wanted to be a choir teacher.
4. By the end of college I wanted to be either a financial analyst or a stockbroker.
5. After college I became a stock broker.
6. I hated being a stockbroker.
7. Now I want to be a lawyer.
8. I prefer room temperature water over ice water.
9. I hate lemon in my water.
10. I love the ocean.
11. My dream is to scuba dive with Great White Sharks.
12. I want everyone to think I’m tough, but I’m really quite emotional.
13. I love accessories.
14. I get really bad Spring Fever every year.
15. My normal body temperature is 97.1 F.
16. Calla lilies are my favorite flowers.
17. Yellow roses used to be my favorite flowers.
18. My eyes are green.
19. I have one pointed ear.
20. I have slept on the Great Wall of China.
21. I want to travel the world someday.
22. I can roll my tongue 3 times.
23. I prefer stick shifts to automatics.
24. My favorite dessert is a Pazookie.
25. I love pesto sauce.
26. I drink milk with pizza.
27. I own my own shot gun.
28. I always remember people who don’t remember me.
29. Remembering unimportant details is easy for me.
30. Scrap booking and I will never be friends.
31. I love chick flicks.
32. I’m the oldest of 7 children.
33. Someday, I will open a battered women’s shelter.
34. I lived in China for 5 months.
35. My first kiss was at age 17.
36. My toenails are always painted.
37. Sometimes, I wear dark purple glasses.
38. I love to sing.
39. I play the piano.
40. I love bubble baths.
41. I have almost all flavors of Bath & Body Works lotion and body spray.
42. Without contacts, I am nearly blind.
43. I would do anything for a friend.
44. I’ve always wanted a pair of leather pants.
45. Someday, I will skydive, but never bungee jump.
46. I was in Men’s Choir in high school (but only as the accompanist.)
47. I’m a Leo.
48. I’m a red on the Color Code.
49. I hated Diet Coke until I started law school, now I love it.
50. I don’t like watermelon.
51. I don’t like pumpkin pie.
52. I don’t like cucumbers.
53. I don’t like mushrooms.
54. I like almost everything else.
55. I love Audrey Hepburn movies.
56. I love Broadway musicals.
57. I went to college at Northern Arizona University.
58. I have a reverse birthmark on my leg (it stays white when I tan.)
59. I have a permanent retainer on the inside of my bottom teeth.
60. I had braces when I was younger.
61. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
62. My favorite law class so far is Legal Research & Writing.
63. My favorite undergrad class was Small Business Analysis.
64. I have a laptop named Lola.
65. I have a puppy named C.J. (stands for Chief Justice).
66. I love lightening storms.
67. I love warm, summer rain.
68. The sound of my clock ticking at night puts me at ease.
69. I can type pretty fast.
70. Sapphires are my favorite colored gems.
71. I drove a tractor once and almost ran it into an electric fence.
72. I’m not terribly athletic, but I love to play sports.
73. “10,000” is my family’s favorite game.
74. I’m allergic to walnuts.
75. My favorite dinner is Navajo tacos.
76. My favorite breakfast food is hash browns.
77. Sometimes, I write things that I’ve already done on “to do” lists.
78. I’m a night owl.
79. I’m not a morning person.
80. I love to bake.
81. I love to cook.
82. I like to eat fish, but no seafood with claws.
83. I love to laugh.
84. I have a thing for tall guys.
85. I am very blessed.
86. I have the coolest family.
87. I’ve had over 30 roommates over the years.
88. I think popcorn should only be eaten with orange juice.
89. I got arrested in China once.
90. I want to go to Beauty School and Culinary School someday.
91. Someday, I will be scuba certified.
92. My name means “earth” in Latin and “star” in an Indian language.
93. I love to read.
94. My favorite books are true accounts of people’s lives at interesting times in history.
95. People tend to disclose to me much more information than I want to know.
96. I love my job as a law clerk.
97. I love to do logic puzzles.
98. There is nothing quite like singing in a choir with people who can really sing.
99. Red is my favorite color.
100. I’ve always had a secret wish to be a dancer.
101. I try really hard, but know I have a long way to go

Walter and my dad - BFF!

Though Walter moved away, he, mysteriously, is still around A LOT! I guess my dad's helping him with some stuff. Last night I got home with my car loaded with a bunch of stuff. My family was helping me unload it and Walter decided to lend his helping hand. Afterward, he lingered and after everyone went in the house he asked if I got the note he left on my car. I said, "yeah, I did. I don't know how to respond Walter." He said, "That's okay. You don't have to respond. Your smile is enough for me."

Tonight my dad told me that Walter told him he talked to his mom about me. His mom told him that he needed to change his ways so he could get me. He also showed my dad a picture of Jesus hugging a bum and told him that's what he lives by. The best part is when he took off his shirt to show my dad the tattoo covering his entire back of Jesus face down in the dirt carrying the cross. I think that's just frightening.

PS- My dad asked me if he could invite Walter to Christmas dinner.

Comment from Toronto

This is my second entry today, but I just wanted to share my excitement with you all. I got my first comment from a perfect stranger yesterday. I thought the only people that read my blog were people that know me. It made my day!

Stupid alarm clock!

I went to bed last night at about 11:30 and set my alarm for 5:30 am. I was planning to wake up and spend a couple hours doing my last minute cramming before my final. I really needed the 2 hours. When I woke up, it was light outside, which I thought was strange because I never heard my alarm. IT WAS 7:49!!! My final started at 8:30 and I live 20 minutes from school in NO traffic. I did the only thing possible - put my hair in a pony tail, threw on some clothes straight from the hamper, loaded my laptop, sprinted out the door, peeled out of my driveway, and started crying. Only by the grace of God did I make it to my final with 10 minutes to spare...sans the extra 2 hours of studying. Again...how have I made it this far through law school?

Finals

I have a final that I'm not ready for in 10 hours and yet I'm re-reading my past blogs. Seriously, what is wrong with me and how have I made it this far in law school?

Crazy letter

I have this next door neighbor. Let's call him....Walter. He's nice enough, but not so bright and a little on the creepy side. He asked me out several months ago, but we just never got around to going...shoot! Well anyway, he told my mom a while ago he wanted to be with me forever and make little red-headed babies (apparently he doesn't know my red comes from a bottle). Well I pretty much thought he was harmless, especially after I started noticing a new woman at his house a lot. My mom confirmed he had a girlfriend. I'm now out of the Walter woods, so to speak. Or am I? So I walked out to my car Monday morning and noticed something on my windshield. I have a secret confession to make at this point. Often, as I walk to my car, I hope for some little note or card or ANYTHING to be left on my windshield. I don't know why I wish that. It has never happened...until Monday. As I approach my car, I see that the outside of the folded paper says "To my beautiful flower, Tara." It's so sad, but I knew that Walter would be the only one crazy enough to write that. I unfold the paper and find a 4 PAGE handwritten letter. Below are some excerpts:

"The reason I look for so long when you come home is because you are my sunshine. You run shyly, my heart flutters." - What he doesn't understand is that I don't run shyly, I just RUN!

"I was talking to Craig a while back and I understand how you feel about men. But I choose to be different by choice. I know how to love you." - Craig is another neighbor. While I love him dearly and have known him since I was 2, he's as crazy as Walter. What do either of them think they know about how I feel about men?

"I would like to spend more time with you and if the ball bounces right, that time could be forever." - Is he really dillusional?

The funny thing is that our interaction to this point has been so limited that I cannot even imagine where this is coming from. What do I do now? I can't possibly talk to him or face him. I wouldn't have a clue how to respond. So for now, I just hide, duck, and run to and from my car. Should I worry for my safety? Can he possibly be an emotionally balanced person?

I almost died (again)!

I was sound asleep at 3:00 am last night when I was JOLTED awake by a big crash bang boom! Then I see it...a shelf that was hanging on my wall when I fell asleep was now lying about 3 inches from my head on my pillow.

Apparently, one of the shelves on my wall above my bed decided it was tired of being there and just leaped off the wall. On it, was a large porcelain figurine of Christ, a glass vase with a fake flower in it, and a candle holder with a brass base. They all came spontaneously crashing down, shattering and almost nailing me in the head.

It took a while for me to get back to sleep. I got up and cleaned it up, but was quite shaken. When I did sleep, I just dreamed that everything on my wall was attacking me. But hey, whatcha gonna do?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving was wonderful! My family all left town and went to Utah. I had the house to myself all weekend and so much peace and quiet. Thanksgiving day was great because I had no obligations and several invitations. I spent the morning watching a movie with MM followed by a nice long walk with CJ. Then I went to my Grandma's house for about an hour and then to my friend Kari's for dinner #2. It was a lovely afternoon. Later, Kari, Kari's mom, MM and I went to see Walk the Line (which was good). It was a good day!

Another shower story

What is it with showers? My 19 year old cousin is getting married and her bridal shower was on Tuesday. We have a tradition at bridal showers to videotape the groom in an interview and then ask the bride how she thinks he responded to the questions. So one question to the groom was..."What are the 3 top things that would make Brooke a good wife?" Then she gets a chance to guess his answer. DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID???? 1- cooking 2- cleaning 3- I can't think of a third, maybe having babies. Do I really need to comment? RIDICULOUS! How can someone go into marriage with such low expectations? Thankfully his answer was quite a bit better. 1- kindness 2- loving 3- (ok, so I don't remember #3, but it was along the same lines). I just don't understand.

PS- Who came up with the idea of bridal showers anyway? Who made it socially acceptable for women to gather and offer congratulations in the form of underwear while all the other women watch?

New CJ Pics

Okay so really...isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen? Actually, my mom told me that he's not really cute. Is it true? Does CJ have the face that only a mother could love. I can't bear the thought! What if i have ugly kids and I don't even know it? Regardless, I'm still in love with him!

We've started going on walks. The first walk we ever took was so funny. We passed a house with dogs in the back yard. They started barking up a storm and I swear, CJ jumped straight into my arms. I've never seen him leap that high. Such a little sissy!

Bed & Baggage

I'm a moron #1:
About a week and a half ago, I was lying in bed on a Sunday morning. CJ (puppy) was underneath my bed chewing on something. I could hear him, but I had no idea what he was chewing on. So I leaned over while still lying in bed to investigate the chewing. I was leaning, leaning, leaning. All of the sudden....BOOM! The rest of my body lost balance and my legs came flailing off the bed. My left leg slammed into a chair, sending both the chair and my laptop that was on the chair flying. I was fully sprawled out on the floor by this point. My leg was throbbing, my dignity had been destroyed. Who falls off their bed while they are awake??? So I sat on the floor whining for a little while. When I realized there was no one there to feel sorry for me, I got up and got back in bed. I'm not sure I ever did figure out what CJ was chewing on.

I'm a moron #2:
For Christmas last year, my parents gave me luggage. I loved the luggage because it didn't look like any other luggage I'd seen. It was this fish scale looking texture of brown and tan. I went to Utah with my mom last weekend with my luggage. When we landed in Salt Lake, I went straight to baggage claim to retrieve my fish scale luggage. It was one of the first ones out...lucky me. My mom and I were out the door in no time. It was about 10 pm that we flew in and about 11:30 that I was ready to go to bed. I opened my suitcase and saw some candy on top...my mom must have stashed it. But did my mom also stash a purple bikini and size 4 jeans. I really doubt it! The embarrassing part is that it took me a good 30 seconds of confusion to realize I had taken someone elses bag. So I call the airline and it seems she took my bag too. GREAT! She could be in Idaho or China for that matter by now. I call the number on her tag and get a voicemail. The airline was less than helpful. I finally give up and with some borrowed pajamas and a new toothbrush from my grandma, I settle in on the couch for the night. About 12:30, Marissa (it fits that a size 4 jean would belong to someone named Marissa) called me. Apparently she didn't get my voicemail because her cell phone is in her bag that I have. Well it turned out okay. We just met the next morning and exchanged bags. But seriously people! JUST CHECK THE TAG BEFORE YOU TAKE THE BAG!

Hearing results

There were six people at the hearing to support jailbird. I think it made him feel good. If it were me, I don't know that I would want anyone there. I would not want anyone seeing me walk into a courtroom in a striped outfit chained to 20 other inmates. It was hard to see him.

So the result of the hearing was...it was postponed again, until November 10th. I spoke with his attorney and she told me the reason she requested a postponement was because she had requested a mitigation specialist meet with him and they denied the claim. She needed to postpone it so she could act as his mitigation specialist.

It puts him in jail for another 3 weeks, but it may help his sentence be lower. So I will continue my weekly jail visits for now.

Hearing tomorrow

So Jailbird's hearing is tomorrow. Through this whole thing, I've been pretty unemotional. I've tried to be supportive, I visit once a week and have written a couple letters, but I haven't really felt anything. I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure why I've started to feel today. I've been really sad and a little scared. What if I'm in the court room tomorrow and I have to hear that he will spend the next 10 years of his life in jail? I don't think I'll handle that very well. I feel like I'm losing a friend. I know he'll always be my friend, but he's leaving and I'm sad. I hope he's not really leaving, but I'm kind of preparing for the worst.

Also, I have to call his mom as soon as they sentence him and tell her. How horrible is that. I'm really not looking forward to that conversation. Why me? Wow, that's selfish. I'm concerned about me having to tell her rather than how hard that must be for her...oh, and my friend who might be spending a good chunk of his life in prison. I wish I were a better person...

Jail take 2

When TW read my Jail post, he said he felt misrepresented. He clarified what he meant so I need to pass that on. He thinks that I should cut ties with jailbird because I am rewarding his bad behavior. Theoretically, the threat of the absence of my friendship would motivate him not to make bad decisions in the future. I don't actually agree with TW that I could possibly have that kind of influence. Nevertheless, that is what TW meant.

Need a new blog

To all those out there who think it's a good idea to give your blog address to people that you don't want knowing your innermost thoughts (mostly about your love life), DON'T DO IT! I've wanted to write so much lately about several people, but I realized I gave my address to some of the very people I don't want reading it! Sometimes I wonder how I've gotten this far in life. So it looks like I'm going to have to start another secret blog. I'll still update this blog now and again, but not about the guys I'm interested in or dating! If you think you deserve to know the new blog address, then you should already have my e-mail address or phone number and can ask me for it.

Baby Shower

I know I already posted today, but I must comment on the baby shower I went to Saturday. It was the baby shower of a woman I went to high school with and haven't seen for several years. I hadn't seen most of the guests for years, but we were all close in high school. I was the only one at the shower who wasn't married. Most had 2-3 children. Most of them got married young and didn't go to college. Keep in mind, I don't think being uneducated makes you dumb. The problem was that I couldn't find anything to talk to them about. After the 3 minute conversation about what I was doing with my life, one girl actually said to me, "I just stay home with my son, so I can tell you about my husband's life." I was floored. I had never even met her husband. Just because you have children and no longer work outside the home, you have nothing to talk about!?!?

Now, because my religion is very family focused, many women in the church stay home to care for children. Now, I think this is the noblest calling for women. However, I have no children and saw no good reason to sit and wait for a husband to give them to me. Therefore, I went to law school and am trying to improve myself. This makes me a bit of an anomaly. I also feel like people judge me because of that. They think that the reason I'm not married is because I've made my career a bigger priority than having a family. That's not the case at all, but people just cannot understand why I'm not married at the ripe age of 27. There's really no solution to this problem. I just needed to send it out into the universe and ask all the women who are raising children to continue to develop themselves. I know that my experience at the baby shower does not represent all the mothers of the world, but for those who have nothing to talk about besides their husband's lives, PLEASE don't believe that. You have worth and value to society. You have intelligence and something to add! Also, please don't assume that I don't want a family just because I don't have one yet.

Jail

So I went to jail yesterday. Well, I suppose I went to "a" jail yesterday. It was a very interesting experience. I have a friend in jail for 2 counts of probation violation. I don't know what exactly he did except that he lied to his PO about where he had been. His PO is recommending 10 years incarceration. When he told me about the 10 years possibility, I was pretty much speechless.

This whole experience has been pretty hard for me internally. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it or what I'm supposed to do. What he is on probation for is revolting. The thing is...I didn't know about it until we had been friends for quite a while. At the point that he told me, he had already been convicted, sentenced, had served his time, and had been out for a couple years. He's the kind of guy that is at church every Sunday and always helping. He's always the one setting up or stacking chairs or doing dishes after church activities. He was going to counseling and had been doing so well for so long. I'm so mad at him! Why did he have to go and screw it all up?

So I was telling a friend "TW" (who doesn't know jailbird) about it the other day. He made me feel really bad about my friendship with jailbird. He made me feel like I was betraying the world by caring about him. He said my friendship with him condoned his past behavior. So my question is this...Who deserves to be loved? What mistakes preclude you from being cared about? And who am I to make that choice? Also, is it really promoting societal good to ostracize people like him?

Well, the day after I had the conversation with TW, I went to the LDS Relief Society General Broadcast. The whole meeting was on charity and being an instrument in the hands of God. So this is the conclusion I came to...

It is the place of all of us to judge. Not to judge people, but to judge whether their influence in our lives is good or whether their behavior should be patterned. However, it is not our place to punish. That is left up to the justice system and God. What God expects of each of us is to love each other and build each other up. Jailbird has made some very serious mistakes in his life, but he has not surrendered his place as a son of God. If I make mistakes, Christ's love for me does not condone my mistakes, but encourages me to become better. Has Christ abandoned jailbird because of his mistakes? NO. If I am to pattern my life after Christ, then why should I abandon KC now? Hopefully my friendship will improve his life, so why should I not offer it to him?

So what I have to say to TW is...while I understand why you have the feelings you do, I politely decline to take your advice and hope that as I go through this life, continuing to make mistakes, that others will continue to love me.

The new man in my life!

I have a new man in my life and I am in love! He's only 12 weeks old though...and he's a puppy. His name is C.J. (which stands for Chief Justice). I just thought Chief Justice Miller had a good ring to it. He is a Shih Tzu-Terrier mix. He weighs 4 pounds right now and I'm hoping he doesn't grow much. He loves to sleep, play and cuddle. He loves to hang out with me and follows me around. What do I need a boyfriend for anyway? I now have a puppy!

Snapped out of it

So I've been in a serious depression for the last few months. I don't really know why, however, it was bad. I think I've snapped out of it though. It's like a switch flipped. I've been in a good mood for 2 days now and am looking forward to the future. I've seen more of my friends this week than I have the last 2 months. I hung out with a guy last night and actually have social plans tonight. I finally cleaned my apartment (it's been a while). I started my diet yesterday and after day 2 am still motivated. I hope this keeps up. I get so much more done when I'm not depressed. (Happy sigh.)

Starting Out

I've been on diaryland, but basically I follow mrsronk around the internet and she has convinced me to switch over. I suppose I can start with what happened to me today. My life literally flashed before my eyes and I am certain that my guardian angels are the only reasons I'm still alive.

I was driving on the freeway today around noon. I was going approximately 75-80 mph and in the far left carpool lane. Before I continue, I must admit that I usually multi-task when driving (eg. apply makeup, talk on cell, eat...), however, I was doing none of those things during the event that I will shortly describe. Like I said, I was in the far left lane and desired to move right. I was leaning toward the next lane, but had not crossed over when I glanced over my shoulder to check my blind spot. Upon doing so, I saw a car right beside me and on reflex jerked my steering wheel back to the left...but oops, too far, so I turned my wheel sharply again to the right. At this point, I had lost total control of my vehicle and was fishtailing across multiple lanes of traffic. I completely panicked and forgot all the times I heard that you're supposed to turn "in" to a fish tail and not slam on your brakes. I did the opposite of both. Without another rational alternative in my mind at the moment, I gripped the steering wheel and held it firmly straight and braked as hard as I could. This propelled my car into a terrifying sideways spin. After spinning at least 2 1/2 times, I finally came to a screeching halt facing straight toward oncoming traffic.

I was shaking so violently that I could not even grip the steering wheel for several moments, then the tears just started flowing spontaneously. For some reason my car had turned itself off, so I put the car in park, turned the ignition, did a sort of U-turn, and continued driving to work. What else was I supposed to do? I think the whole experience took about 10 years off my life, but I also realized how blessed I am to be watched over. There is no reason that I didn't cause a serious accident with other vehicles or slam into a cement wall. I guess God did grant me a break this week!